dating in the dark

June 24, 2009 by Suzy

Dating in the Dark by @suzymiller

Those first terrifying tentative steps into dating after 10 years of solid coupledom and 6 years of motherhood seem, looking back on it, like scenes from an old black and white comedy. Not just any old comedy either – one without any sound except the relentless plug of the piano and a plot line that threatened at any time to tumble from absurd humour into a heart-rending tragedy.

And the main narrative of these comedies? Dating sites and speed networking of course – de rigeur for the modern single woman, who wants a wider choice than that offered by the beer soaked local hostelries or the few loan single men brave enough (and smart enough, if they want a ratio of 10 women to 1 man) to Salsa in the village hall. Keeping those delights as part of my ‘social’ life, I took those first bold steps into actual concerted dating via the enticing promise of online shopping for men.

Well to tell the truth, I was harried and coerced into it – having had enormous fun helping my friend create her profile and do pick and mix online, it was only right that I created my own profile and dived in. It all made good sense – using the search facility to avoid guys who are smokers or not interested in children, or who in any way contravene the ‘non negotiables’ list we all need to write for ourselves and stick up on the fridge so we never forget them.

But then there were those horrible gaps when no-one responds, those endless profiles that all begin to sound the same – it was great for reminding me that dating should be a game, fun and involve large doses of humour, but when it came to wanting to seek out a long term life partner it just seemed strangely like taking the long way round.

I’ve attempted to Salsa with men half my height, counselled drunken suitors in the local pub, snogged a lovely man at a bus stop thinking “my god I’m 40 what if someone sees me?” and then remembered that these are things I didn’t do enough of when I was 20. Dating sites led to many conversations but only a couple of dates, mainly because of fear and finding too many things wrong about someone by just reading their profile, and being in too much of a hurry.

So I’m beginning to think about the old fashioned way – matchmaking. And I guess that is what a modern dating agency provides. The cost initially put me off, but then I reasoned that a man looking for a relationship rather than just a distraction, is more likely to put his hand in his pocket, so why shouldn’t I?

The old silent film of relationships going in circles has come to the end of the reel, and now I feel ready for the quirky romantic comedy, in full technicolor and the promise of a happy ending.

So it’s no-more supermarket shopping for men for me. Spending my summer evenings instead down the allotment sowing seeds, enjoying the sunsets and remembering to water occasionally. And wondering if perhaps, by signing up with a dating agency complete with proper interviews and, most importantly, real human beings to support the process and give advice rather than just `dating tips’ on a website, I may find myself not weeding alone in the future. Still fancy snogging at the bus stop though.

Suzy Miller is the creator and producer of the Starting Over Shows which provide information and inspiration to people dealing with life changing situations such as divorce and relationship breakdown.

This blog is also posted on the Dateline Platinum website – see blog and comments here……

Filed Under diary of a sole parent · Leave a Comment

Blueberry wins ‘divorce fair’ contract

June 16, 2009 by Suzy

East Sussex-based Blueberry Public Relations has won the contract to promote London’s first Starting Over Show and Brighton’s second event.

The UK’s first Starting Over Show, which was held in Brighton on 15 March, was aimed at anyone going through a divorce or relationship break up. The event, the brainchild of single mother-of-three Suzy Miller, received worldwide media attention with nearly every national paper attending. Suzy also appeared on BBC Breakfast News, BBC South East, Meridian TV, Five Live and BBC Radio 4′s You and Yours, as well as many other shows.

Around 500 people had the opportunity to get free advice on everything from estate planning to collaborative divorce and legal, financial and coaching workshops were fully booked. There were also talks by TV divorce coach Francine Kaye and Daisy Dooley Does Divorce author and Daily Mail columnist Anna Pasternak.

Blueberry PR Director Suzi Christie said: “I’m thrilled to be working with the Suzy Miller again – she is an inspirational woman and is so passionate about helping people break up without breaking down by providing access to vital resources.

“There was press interest in the first show from as far away as Sydney, Australia, Taiwan and India as the idea for a Starting Over Show was unique. The next events will be equally exciting and I’m looking forward to building on the success we had in March.”

Suzy Miller added: “We had clear objectives for the first show and wanted it to be platform to launch the Starting Over Show brand. We also wanted to get the message across that the event was not about encouraging divorce but helping people through one of the most devastating periods of their lives.”

The success of the Starting Over Show in March 2009 has spawned several similar divorce fair events but Suzy Miller’s event remains the only one that focuses on getting through the experience in the most positive way possible and looking towards the future.

London’s first Starting Over Show is on 7 March at the Hilton London Metropole in Edgware Road, London, and on 28 March at the Hilton Brighton Metropole.

Exhibitors so far include author and leading life and performance coach Julia Armstrong; Jane Robey, of National Family Mediation; Vena Ramphal, a holistic coach specialising in divorce; Franklin Price & Sarah Ingram of Jeffrey Green Russell Legal Firm, a general service law firm with a specialist matrimonial department; James Pirrie of Family Law in Partnership (FLIP), divorce and family law solicitors, and Charlotte Friedman who runs Divorce Support Groups.