the big day

It was a very big day for Michelle – her first ever experience of Life Coaching, her first introduction to Collaborative Law, and her first chance to be made to feel special and have some great photos that reflect the beautiful lady that she is and the person she is striving to become, because of her situation rather than in spite of it. But let’s see what Michelle discovered on that Thursday…..

Thursday 19 November 2009

“Each if the three elements together has made me feel so much better about my situation.

“Let me start with Julie and the life coaching.  To say I had my reservations with regards to just how much this would help me is an understatement. I always viewed life coaches in general as something only the rich and famous would subscribe to. I think if someone had suggested I sign up to a life coach at the beginning of the divorce I would have viewed them slightly dimly.

“That said after one session with Julie I feel renewed with a sense of being back in touch with myself, the true being, who was very lost, a long time before all this horrid process began.  I discovered parts of myself I believed were gone for good and I had no clear path to the future nor believed I had a future. I was so wrapped up in the now and dealing with issues that hit home on a relentless and daily basis.

“To be able to step back from that view over my own situation has given me clearer thoughts over my life as a whole. I felt I live with the pain, anguish and fear of not having enough money, to meet any of our current needs. I realise that this issue is ubiquitous and I needed to transform our life into a better place. I just couldn’t see a way forward. Having worked on a plan with Julie’s expertise I propose that returning to education would be the way forward in utilising my current skill base into a real world career.  I felt like I’d lost my grounding in myself, the person and my world as I knew it.  I often complained to close friends that “I feel like I’ve woken up in someone else’s life” despondent and dispirited I’d lost my internal balance but mostly I’d lost my drive. Clear thinking, clearly seeing the goal and how to get there, in a clear vision – evaded me.  I can now see a way forward along with a vision of how I would like our life to be in the near future.

“I have transformed my view of life coaching to something along the lines of – “If you value yourself, you close family and all those of any importance around you, you will make this worth while investment in yourself, your future and how and where you want to be. Without which you simply loose control and drift on the turbulant sea of divorce and everything that it will throw at you.  I couldn’t recommend life coaching any more highly, I feel like some evangalist and feel everyone should subscribe to it at any difficult point in their life.

“The difference it has made to me and all those around me is priceless.”

Julie Jones is the creator of “Changes Forever” and will be exhibiting at the Starting Over Show in March 2010.

After seeing Julie Jones for a coaching session, Michelle was introduced to James Pirrie of Family Law In Partnership……

“In a word AMAZING… collaborative law is ‘the’ way forward. It takes a look at the divorce as a whole and not by breaking it down into the seperate elements of: the divorce, the finances and the children – as separate issues but quite rightly as a whole. I realise every divorce is differing in its content and issues, however the weight that was lifted off my shoulders that there was someone who could finally see the problem as a whole, rather than the separate elements, was more than a comfort to me and to my situation. A proposal has been put in place and sent over to my husband’s solicitor which I not only view as fair, but which finally gets down to the nitty gritty of solving the problem of our divorce in the best interests of all those involved.

“Mediation has also been recommended and having been through it once before but due to a change in circumstances everything agreed fell apart, I would look forward to entering into it once more. Being unbiassed and by not being on either parties side I feel it is an essential part of the process of divorce.  I personally found mediation a win-win situation as financialy the more aspects you can discuss in a safe environment with an objective view of a third party, and sort it out without dragging it through the courts, then better the financial situation all round. I felt I had some control over the financial aspects as well as access to the children, where I feared going into court would rather be like tossing a coin and the outcome would be unknown and a ‘one fit for all’ and not a ‘best fit’ for our personal circumstances.”

The photoshoot…

“Having always naturally being more comfortable behind the camera on an amature basis, I felt this was an ideal opportunity to get some decent photographs of myself. I realised during my marriage there weren’t many photographs of myself as I was always the one who would be taking the pictures. To have a camera pointed solely at me was unnerving but really enjoyable.

I now have a snapshot of a wonderful adventurous day spent in London along with some sound advice and beautiful images.”

Let me use my creative ability and enthusiasm to provide strong and memorable images that will last forever.  London & Brighton events.

Scott Collier: Photographer

Other SOS Experts who are helping Michelle….

Many people don’t realize that they must change their Will when they get divorced. Jaci Godman Irvine: Estate Legacy Services Wills and trusts, had a chat with Michelle to give her some key information.

“Have had a chat with Michelle, given her the reasons for new Will but as she has ‘nothing’ basically to her name at present and is about to incur a debt when the marital home s sold (negative equity), I left it as something she should look into when things have settled. I also explained what to do if she finds herself in a new relationship, as I also provide living together agreements. I gave her my mobile and told her to call if she has any questions.”

Michelle’s experience of talking to Jaci about getting a Will…..

“Did I find the Wills information from Jaci useful?

Absolutely, there were matters with regards to if either party re-marries that the wills become invalid. I assumed with the sale of the property that this may be the case, but found out it wasn’t so. Although a will isn’t on the top of my priority list of things to do financially, come the new year I’m sure this will be the case given I’d want my wishes for the children written in stone if anything should happen to me.

Did I learn anything I didn’t know about before?

Yes there was so much information that Jaci imparted that I have found useful just to sit down and re-read all the information and digest it all and give it all some serious consideration for the future.”

Jaci Godman Irvine: Estate Legacy Services Wills and trusts

I work with Estate Legacy Services and I am a member of the KCC Buy With Confidence Scheme.  London & Brighton events.

Michelle had a consultation with Jane Orr: The Mystic Housewife Consultant Psychic Therapist……

4 December 2009

“Michelle had a phone consultation with myself, due to geographical location.

Michelle initially asked for help with her existing relationship with her boyfriend. We discussed how long she had known him and various life events and traumas that had affected both of them, individually and as a couple. In particular, issues of bereavement, and how they these had impacted on their relationship. Most recently that of Michelle’s mother, earlier this year. We explored boyfriend’s pattern of “opting out”, in order to avoid emotional challenges and confrontation, as well as some of his previous relationship history and how that may impact on their relationship. We discussed how family pressure to conform, together with an event in a previous relationship, may have produced inadequate or negative feelings in her boyfriend regarding marriage or long term commitment.

I suggested that rather than considering her boyfriend as “the one”, he should be valued as a true friend and support for now with regular re-evaluation of the relationship.

Michelle also talked about her bi-polar disorder and how she felt it had started when she was 13 years old, although it was not diagnosed until she was 26. Michelle had two significant events regarding her parents, when she was aged 13. Her mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had a hysterectomy, and her father sustained very serious injuries in a car accident, which resulted in him being treated in a nursing home for 18 months. Michelle’s father is still alive, but has restricted mobility.

We talked about setting intentions to enhance a good experience with her medical team, and rather than seeing them as the enemy, working with them to help her, which will give her a feeling of greater control of her own body and mind. I suggested visualising her medication bathed in light, and setting intentions for the best possible outcome with it.

I explained to Michelle, that when someone experiences a shock or trauma, the auric body, (the energy field surrounding your physical body), becomes damaged and fragmented. In fact it smashes like a car windscreen, into lots of small particles, and results in removing your outer skin and protective shield. This results in any number of physical and emotional pathologies, often a lowered immunity to diseases, emotional disturbances, depression and frequent accidents.

I gave some energy cleansing techniques to Michelle, to remove any unwanted “attached” energy cords from others and suggested a dose of Bach Flower Essence, Star of Bethlehem. I recommended a Rescue Remedy/Lavender bath, 4 drops of each in the bath water and a good soak, add a few candle tea lights, for a lovely, inexpensive relaxing treatment. I advised Michelle to drink lots of water, ideally 1-2 litres daily. I also recommended Denise Linn’s website, to use her healing mystic portal and download her meditations.

We discussed recruiting the Archangels, Michael, Raphael, Metatron, Chamuel, as well as Ascended Masters Jesus and Mother Mary, for protection, healing, children, love relationships and general support.

Michelle is very psychic, but shut down her abilities, following her shocks as a teenager. This was a good thing at the time, as it would have made her bi-polar much worse. And I cautioned her not to “play” with any psychic abilities which may start to emerge, as she heals and becomes stronger, and gave her some visualisations to “ground” herself.

It was a pleasure to work with Michelle, she is a very strong, resilient lady, with good insight into her own condition, who has coped extraordinarily well with the significant life challenges and traumas she has experienced. I have offered further email support.”

Michelle’s experience of her consultation with Mystic Housewife Jane Orr:

“Talking to Jane Orr was really useful, I felt I’d lost my spiritual side somewhat along the road of divorce. Also my Ex always considered alternative therapies to be all mumbo jumbo, however I realised that I felt my most well when I was taking some Bach Flower Remedies in the past and I didn’t realise that Jane prescribed them. I felt it was meant to be and synchronicity was weaving its magic once more. I’ve taken the flower remedies over the weekend and have slept like a baby and on waking feel refreshed and alive once more.

Jane was wonderful at sorting through the complications of my current relationships and put everything in the past to rest.

I feel once more in touch with my spiritual side as well as exploring some of the complications around me I simply ignored and put down to the divorce as a whole.

More than useful, a wonderful experience for those who feel lost (spiritually) along the way.

I’m feeling much stronger recently due to all of the elements working along side me. I feel ready to take on the world, let alone the divorce. I feel very honoured to be part of this process.”

Jane Orr: The Mystic Housewife Consultant Psychic Therapist

A personal and professional therapy service, including the 28 day soul coaching programme designed to clutter clear your life, bring you clarity during chaotic personal challenges.  I provide traditional psychotherapy combined with ancient healing arts, confidential support in a safe environment, enhancing your ability to cope with whatever life throws at you!  London & Brighton events.

To see some of those images and a video snapshot of that big day, take a look at the short film below…..

The Mermaid’s song

The Ogre lived alone on the top of the mountain and it seemed always to have been that way. He would go out drinking with his mates and play cards and pinch the bottoms of tired waitresses too numb from boredom to complain, and as far as ogre’s go, he seemed pretty happy.

But one night the Ogre fell asleep by the deep green sea, full of wine and fried food and snored so loudly that he awoke a Mermaid who was trying to catch up on her beauty sleep. The Mermaid thrust her head above the waves and glared at the snoring Ogre, swishing her tail behind her like an irritated cat. Even in the soft glow of the moonlight her beauty could be seen to have faded, as the years of salt water and sharp sand had etched her features deeper and her limpid eyes had a far-away look that could have been mistaken for sadness.

The Ogre shook so violently with his own snoring that he woke himself up, and dazed stared out ahead of him, his creased old eyes slowly focusing first upon a beautiful crescent moon, then upon a splattering of silver stars, and finally, upon the angry looking Mermaid.

“I should have guessed it would be you”, muttered the Mermaid, with a hint of softness in her voice. “You always did snore like a dragon”. The Ogre couldn’t help but smile: “How are you beautiful?” he laughed, “I have dreamed about you so many nights, and now you are here again in my dreams. That wine was stronger than I thought!”

“You’re not dreaming you foolish old man”, snapped the Mermaid.

The Ogre’s breathing slowed, and he sat upright so he could get a better look at the Mermaid. “You have aged” he said, slowly. She laughed, tossed her golden seaweed locks and splashed her tail so hard she sent spray shooting over the Ogre’s face. He wiped the salt water from his eyes and blinked. Suddenly, the salt water became tears that dropped from his large brown eyes and his mouth quivered.

“You were right to leave me on my mountain” he stammered. “I am old now too, and my life is unsurprising and full of mediocrity. Not how it would have been with you, my love. But each day when I stare out at the green sea, I thank the stars that I let you free to be without me as a burden to your life. You will have faired far better alone, without me.”

The Mermaid folded her arms, and put her head on one side thoughtfully. “And how is that so?”

“I am fat and ugly.” Replied the Ogre. “There were times with you that I felt fit and handsome but I was always going to fall prey to those delicious current buns in Mrs McGinty’s cake shop, and my big nose and huge crooked teeth were always going to be the first thing that anyone noticed about me.”

“That’s true” replied the Mermaid, calmly, with a slight smile.

“And I was always so unreliable” continued the Ogre, wiping away another salty tear with his large chubby hands. “I still am of course. I’d make a promise and then somehow I just couldn’t seem to make it happen, even though I tried and tried, and I couldn’t bare to keep letting you down and disappointing you. Why should you have to put up with that?”

“I shouldn’t” replied the Mermaid.

“So you have made a better life now?” Asked the Ogre, though his question was tinged with regret, and he turned his head to stare again at the moon as if he didn’t really want to hear an answer.

“You silly old fool” laughed the Mermaid. “Yes, you are fat, and your nose is big and cavernous enough to house a family of mice, and your teeth are crooked as ancient tombstones, and you are indeed a most unreliable fellow. Many times you would decide on some grand plan that would be almost impossible to achieve, and set forth with such enthusiasm. If only – if only….. “ The Mermaid’s voice trailed away with a gust of wind that tussled her hair and the Ogre could remember how it had felt, when he would put his big fingers into her hair and squeezed out the seawater and smelled the salty spray.

“You see” he cried out suddenly. “You see I was right to go back up onto the mountain and to leave you to swim free in the big green sea.”

“You silly old fool” laughed the Mermaid again. That unreliable man that you speak of was the man who brought adventure and excitement into my life. That large belly was where I laid my tired head to rest. Those big thick hands squeezed seawater out of my tangled locks. Those crooked teeth were the gatekeepers to a mouth that could kiss with such sweet softness and utter words of deepest love and tenderness. Those giant clumsy arms would hold me and make me feel safer than any place on land or sea.”

The Mermaid turned her back on the Ogre, and smashed her tail into the sea so that he was covered in cold salty spray. He stood up shakily, brushing the water out of his face. She turned to him once more and smiled.

“That person you so dislike, that man who you ’saved me’ from – that was the man I fell in love with. But it is not enough for one person to love another – you needed to love yourself too. And I see you still have not learned that lesson.”

As the Mermaid swam out to sea in search of her supper, she sang a ditty that lay suspended in the air like the smell of fish hangs on the breeze once the fishing boats have left the harbour. The Ogre listened hard, and could just make out the words: “I loved you…. I love you…. I love you, you silly old fool…..”.

Suzy Miller

25 November 2009

the wall

The man faced the wall and grimaced. It loomed above him, and although he was sure he could see the top of it, his grappling hook never seemed to get any purchase. His hair and face were speckled with dust and debris from his attempts to climb the wall. His nails were broken, and he could barely get his breath back to a calm level where he could begin to think straight.

When the man stared at the wall head on, the rocks within it moved and shifted their shapes, colours changing, and he could see his past memories pulsating as mute pastel images ,which appeared and disappeared before he could quite place them in time or space. Some of the stones seemed to throb and shimmer with visions that were of his own creation – not actual memories of the past but fears of the future. They spat their dark threatening scenes into his face, so that he creased up his eyes and tears welled up. He could no longer tell whether the fear that surged through his body was made up of past events, or imagined future, as it all seemed locked together by the sticky mortar that held the rocks in place.

Sometimes the man cried out and slammed his fists at the wall, kicked it hard as if by the force of his will he could create a hole through which he would throw himself and then run, run into the future and never look back.

I had stood in front of that same wall. The images I saw locked within the stones were different to the man’s, but just as frightening now as when I had stood alongside him. I had looked up and seen how far there was to climb, and tested the thickness of the rocks with my bare hands, and submitted to the power and strength of my past, and of my unknown mysterious future.

I had breathed in the dust of my own history, and exhaled deeply with sighs and tears and waited till my hands ceased trembling and my heart beat at a more constant rate. Then, I had looked to the right, and to the left. “This wall” thought I, “Is not the Great Wall of China. Perhaps if I walk to the right, I will be able to go around it?”

So I walked, and walked, and kept looking, and the images in the stones laughed at me and spat mortar dust into my eyes but I kept my vision strong and my steps did not falter. And I walked around the wall to the other side.

Now I face forwards, and the wall stands behind me. It is still there, with all my lost dreams, dashed hopes and past pain embedded, engraved, never to be weathered away. But it is behind me, and I am walking forwards. At my own pace. Choosing my own direction.

Behind the wall, in the distance, I hear the man wailing and crashing against the rocks. I would like to help him, but he would not follow me when I walked away to find another route. He seemed strangely determined to continue his battering against his past pain, his future fears, and unwilling to try something new.

I am alone as I walk. There may be another wall up ahead. But there may also be another person who is looking for a way around that wall, and who will walk with me.

Suzy Miller

24 November 2010

starting over in business

Franchise opportunities

Silverdaze Jewelry

Diane Serle: Silverdaze (UK) Ltd Unique silver jewelry franchise

Silverdaze offers a unique jewelry franchise business opportunity.  Enabling you to fit in in around family and other personal commitments.  Overheads are kept to a minimum, maximising your profits.  London event.

Referral marketing:

This is a form of marketing that is only really successful if the product is extremely good – because if you are going to recommend a product or service to your friends, you need first of all to be a happy customer yourself. In fact, you can become your own first customer.  Then all you are doing is sharing the good news!

This is why Utility Warehouse is such a good company to be promoting.

Save yourself money on utilities and if you want, you can create your own referral based business that will work around your existing busy lifestyle and commitments: read more here…….

Pam Gurney: Xango Independent Distributor Business opportunity

The number of people running their own home based business has increased considerably for a number of years. Also the health & nutrition business sector has been growing worldwide for decades.  Xango offer solutions in the area of wellness and anti ageing with world class Mangosteen based products. Business partners receive full training & support. Minimum start up costs. Expanding International Company.  London event

Pam Gurney, Xango Independent Distributor
Tel:    01245 283789

www.wonderfulmangosteen.biz (biz info)
www.wonderfulmangosteen.com (product info)

And who will guide and support me while I start my business?

Well, we have some skilled professionals who can coach you, and give the back up and support that you need to succeed:

Debbie Catt: No More If Onlys Inspirational Speaker & Coach

Debbie is a highly experienced and inspiring speaker with a passion for helping people to overcome setbacks and achieving their goals and ambitions.  She presents tried and tested skills and techniques that have guided her through her turbulent life and career.  Also a business development specialist, Debbie provides invaluable techniques and tips on how to promote a business more effectively. London & Brighton events.

Julia Armstrong: Coach, therapist and author

Coaching in realising human potential.  Julia is a leading performance coach and counsellor working at the core level with over 30 years experience in helping others find happiness and fulfillment. Brighton event.

First Brighton SOS exhibitor get-together is a hit!

Thank you to Mayo Wynne Baxter for their hospitality, and Julia Armstrong for her inspiring talk, making our 12 November 2009 Brighton meet-up a memorable evening.

SOS Brighton Makeover: Liz’s journey……

Liz is taking part in the “SOS Brighton Divorce Makeover”. This means she will benefit from some free advice and inspiration from a selection of our SOS exhibitors who have generously donated their time to show what options and choices are available to someone going through divorce or relationship breakup.

Liz was not legally married to her partner – they were in a long term living together relationship – and now she discovers how few legal rights exist to protect her and that ‘common law marriage’ is a myth.

The story begins with Liz telling us about her situation and her search for a positive way forwards……

Early November 2009

“My partner and I are NOT married. We have 3 daughters aged 5,8 & 10. We have been together 17 years and we own property together.

I have been caring for the children for the past 10 years. I gave up my PR career and have been receiving little income £400 a month to live off whilst together for a few years.

Relationship broke down after he had affair with x-school friend. Tried to repair relationship. Love, Trust, Respect had gone. He became aggressive, bit violent and awkward. We had separate bedrooms for 2 yrs. I told him that it was over but we lived under the same roof for 2 and a half years.

I requested that we split and that he move out for example. He would not. He wouldn’t go to mediation or a solicitor either. It was traumatising the children and myself. The heart and the soul were disturbed and I felt disappointed, angry, violated.

In the end I had no choice but to move out myself with the children. I live in Hove. I have moved out of the family home with the girls for the present, whilst my x, remains in our family home!

I am now trying to fight a battle and get him to some reasonable understanding that whilst I have cared for the children for 10 years I have allowed him to work and save. He could easily get a mortgage and carry on. For me, the most obvious solution would be to move back into my family home with the children. Its my most affordable option.

Although I own half the property, selling it, would be a silly option also, as I could not afford to put a roof over my 3 children’s heads. I would only be able to use the money to rent and then have nothing left.

I am about to go to the solicitor today and find out more about my rights. I am angry and can’t believe that I wouldn’t have many rights as a non-married person. I consider having been together for 17 yrs to be longer than most marriages last. So how come I may not be able to move back to the family home and its not so simple to get him out, as he could afford to go!!!

I am aware of how the rights of women that are not married are so far and few between. We don’t have any, yet many of us give up a career and allow our husbands to work and them not pay for childcare or cleaning or takeaways, we do that bit. Then we are penalised whilst they carry on with their lives, almost unaffected. We can’t just step back into our career, especially if you don’t return to work for a good few years. I do appreciate the husbands/partners work hard to support their family, but it is their choice, we didn’t force them!!!

Perhaps my x will act honorably in the end – I make my wishes and prayers everyday. However, this has been dragging on now for about 3 yrs.”

Liz

So how can we empower Liz and help her see what choices and options she can access?

We are going to arrange for her to receive information and inspiration from the SOS professionals, and I will be interviewing her about her experiences, and how her thoughts, attitudes and actions are influenced by the advice and help that she receives.

Download the pdf here to see full details of Liz’s SOS Makeover: makeover-liz-greader-091109

SOS London Makeover: Michelle’s journey….

Michelle is taking part in the “SOS London Divorce Makeover”. This means she will benefit from some free advice and inspiration from a selection of our SOS exhibitors who have generously donated their time to show what options and choices are available to someone going through divorce or relationship breakup.

The story begins with Michelle telling us about the complexity and pain of her situation.

Early November 2009

“My husband has petitioned for divorce and I have yet to receive the court paper work. So we are in the initial stages of divorce.  We separated on the 27th December 2007, the timing of which, was down to the house opposite ours becoming vacant and available for rent.

My husband moved out of the marital home and into this smaller 3 bedroomed rental property opposite our home, just across a small village green.  Many questioned our decision and thought this too close for comfort, but actually the practicality of it worked out very well…

Our marriage failed for a number of reasons.  We both tried hard, took advice, and even explored counseling.  None of which helped and the marriage was doomed.  No-one was to blame for the untimely ending of the marriage, as there were no other persons involved at the time.

Things moved on and we were happy going our separate ways.  We agreed good contact with the children (every other weekend and half of the school holidays) from the outset of the separation. Living opposite one another this was really just a basis from which we worked. The children afforded themselves a lot more contact with one or other parent as they wished.

Both my husband and I explored other relationships, both of which failed as I personally felt it was too soon for either party to be involved in another relationship (I know this is how it worked out for me).

Since then, we both have new steady partnerships.  We initially agreed to wait the standard two years separation and then opt for a quickie divorce (if there is such a thing).

Things soured between the both of us, after the arrival of his new girlfriend. Her agenda for their relationship was differing to what we agreed and my husband made an application for divorce in recent months.

I no longer live in the marital home due to relocating for a while to care for my terminally ill mother who passed away in March. It was planned I would return to the marital home if/when I returned, however my husband changed that agreement and the marital home is currently still up for sale.

My husband secured another rental property (just round the corner from the marital home) of my limited choice of what was available. Of which he now refuses to pay the rent for and which I can not afford to pay for myself. This has thrown me into the hands of the benefit system and I also now face potential homelessness due to the shortfall in benefit and actually how much the rent costs.

Due to financial restrictions imposed through mediation I am currently planning to represent myself (in court) and have a fixed fee solicitor to complete all the paperwork as respondent.

Mediation was helpful in as much as outlining the finances, but most of what was agreed has now been changed to suit circumstances imposed. This was a costly process for both of us and I now face bankruptcy due to my dire financial situation.

So as the divorce rumbles away in the back ground, my husband and his girlfriend have contact with the children as outlined above and I face the tough job of patching them up emotionally between visits.

My husband’s parents fail to acknowledge me as the children’s mother and after writing them a very heart felt letter I received a very cold response. I now have nothing to do with them, other than encourage the children to call them at least once a fortnight.

In the outset everything was very amicable between my husband and I, now however we no longer speak, unless its of an urgent nature via mobile or the odd email.

I’m not sure if their is a way forward to improve our situation and feel it offers some comfort to his girlfriend if we have no communication.

I’m Bi-Polar and in receipt of incapacity benefit. Although the government in their infinite wisdom feel it’s necessary to apply pressure to me, in the form of getting me back into work, which as I suffer with a mental illness I feel is pretty mad (I can say that being Bi-Polar, its an in joke).  Obviously the effects of which contribute to my illness and therefore make the situation worse.

This obviously effects everything around me…as well as my day to day moods etc.  I’d like to be able to converse with my husband on an improved level with regards to our two children from our marriage and my daughter from a previous relationship (with whom he has deserted and wants nothing more to do with).  He does however see our children on a regular basis.

It saddens me the effect this is having on our children, however after making a number of suggestions (family therapy for us all) I was stonewalled and ignored. I now prefer to control the things within my
power and let go of the things I can’t.

Its hard to actually add feeling to the writing of all of this, however I must add I’m not bitter about the situation, just frustrated by it.

Any advice or an independent outlook would be most welcomed.”

Michelle

So how can we empower Michelle and help her see what choices and options she can access?

We are going to arrange for her to receive information and inspiration from the SOS professionals, and I will be interviewing her about her experiences, and how her thoughts, attitudes and actions are influenced by the advice and help that she receives.

The journey begins…..

Download the pdf here to see full details of Michelle’s SOS Makeover: makeover-michelle-mathias-5-nov-09

Thursday 12 November 09

Michelle receives the following email from SOS coach Julie Jones of Changes Forever.  Julie prepares Michelle for the journey she is about to begin:
Dear Michelle,

I am so thrilled that you are having a day especially for YOU and I very much look forward to welcoming you here on 19th November.

I am not sure if you have received my kind of coaching before but it needs to be experienced to realise its full potential and is designed to help address any specific personal issues, business projects or general conditions of your life that need improving.  It involves honest and open discussion and is completely confidential.

The session will be for 2 hours: In the first hour we will explore your wheel of life, and use the second hour to work on the specific issues you have identified.

Your coach will be me Julie Jones and I am based in my cosy pink coaching room, where we will start with the  Wheel of Life.  In ancient Chinese philosophy they talk about a wheel running smoothly.  By completing this exercise you will see if your wheel is a bit bumpy in places making your life journey a bit uncomfortable!

It’s worth repeating from time to time to see where you’re going and identify if things are moving in the right direction.  We usually suggest every 6 months although sometimes the wheel can change daily!

Initial Exploration/Coaching Session

The aim of the session is to enable you to move forward with whatever you decide is the most pressing issue: you will spend some time identifying an area you specifically want to work on setting a goal and by the end you will have created a plan on a way forward using the options you have identified.

You will be comfortable and not disturbed and it is best if your mobile phone is switched to silent prior to the session.

You will be able to spend a couple of minutes before the session relaxing and thinking about you and what you may like to talk about.  It is useful to have a pen/pencil and something to write on during the session and a soft drink to sip on will be provided

I feel very privileged to have been asked to work with you on what I feel will be an exciting part of your journey, before we head off into London for your meeting with Suzy and the team in Covent Garden.

Warm wishes

Julie Jones
Founder and Relationship/ Lifestyle Coach
Changes Forever
Tel: 01462 643695
Mobile: 07967 135 870

‘Making relationships work for you…at home, work, with yourself and in life’

Accredited Life Coach with Coaching & Mentoring International

Can sole parents ever really be ’single’ ?

Thanks to @candidandy sharing on Twitter I’ve just read the Times article “The Step Family Files: dealing with new partners” and all the upset, indignation and confusion that is reflected in the comments. I see this situation occur with both sexes and telling couples to ‘discuss these things amicably’ is like telling two hungry dogs to have a friendly chat over who gets to chew on the bone.

Families need mentorship and training, where they can openly express their fears and resentment of new partners no matter how ‘illogical’ or hypocritical. There is no room for judgment here – more useful is creating honest lines of communication, and I see a role for mediators to encourage a step by step guide for making a bad situation gradually work better, putting the welfare of the children at the heart.

There are online groups that can help, like www.successfulsingleparenting.com, who deal head-on with the issues created by becoming ‘blended families’, and Resolution have accredited parenting courses which can help prepare divorcing couples for the complexities of parenting apart.

Perhaps what is most hard to accept, is that bringing new partners into your life will inevitably have consequences on children and ex partners.  Parents who want to take on new relationships with the same ease as pre-parenthood may be in for a shock -  as a sole parent, you are never really ’single’, with the freedoms we associate with that. At least, not until the kids have left home, by which time most of my potential dates will be wondering if their knees will hold out for another ski trip and may no longer fancy a night out in a pub watching a live band.

But consideration for your children when going back into dating does not have to require a long term sacrifice of creating quality relationships with others – albeit new partners will have to accept that they are becoming part of a complex family situation. I have felt the consequences of that in my own life, and seen it as the creator of the Starting Over Show.

I didn’t like it much at first, but now see that a quality relationship can be strengthened by the rigors of working together to keep children and ex-s feeling secure, and also I’ve learned not to beat myself up over the inevitable fact that kids do get drawn into their parents’ love lives whether we like it or not, and keeping everything ’separate’ prevents forming relationships with new partners who want to share and be part of your family. Even the way you meet new potential partners can be influenced positively to prioritize other single people who have an awareness and understanding of the patience required when going out with a sole parent and their associated children, ex’s and previous history, which is why using introduction agencies where interviews take place can be wiser than taking your chances on the internet sites.

Forget about perceptions of ‘justice’ and indignation over hypocritical ex’s who seem to want their cake and eat it, even though sometimes the way children are introduced to one or more ‘new parent partners’ can seem crass and brutal and is enough to make you scream.  Focus instead on balancing what is to be lost and what is really to be gained by sharing every aspect of your lives with your children just because it suits you, and without sensitivity to when it would best suit them. And when you do bring new partners into their lives – don’t expect them to like them as much as you do. Why should they?