the big day – Michelle’s SOS Makeover adventure

To see a video snapshot of that big day, take a look at the short film below…..

Read the full version of Michelle’s SOS Makeover here…..

the big day

It was a very big day for Michelle – her first ever experience of Life Coaching, her first introduction to Collaborative Law, and her first chance to be made to feel special and have some great photos that reflect the beautiful lady that she is and the person she is striving to become, because of her situation rather than in spite of it. But let’s see what Michelle discovered on that Thursday…..

Thursday 19 November 2009

“Each if the three elements together has made me feel so much better about my situation.

“Let me start with Julie and the life coaching.  To say I had my reservations with regards to just how much this would help me is an understatement. I always viewed life coaches in general as something only the rich and famous would subscribe to. I think if someone had suggested I sign up to a life coach at the beginning of the divorce I would have viewed them slightly dimly.

“That said after one session with Julie I feel renewed with a sense of being back in touch with myself, the true being, who was very lost, a long time before all this horrid process began.  I discovered parts of myself I believed were gone for good and I had no clear path to the future nor believed I had a future. I was so wrapped up in the now and dealing with issues that hit home on a relentless and daily basis.

“To be able to step back from that view over my own situation has given me clearer thoughts over my life as a whole. I felt I live with the pain, anguish and fear of not having enough money, to meet any of our current needs. I realise that this issue is ubiquitous and I needed to transform our life into a better place. I just couldn’t see a way forward. Having worked on a plan with Julie’s expertise I propose that returning to education would be the way forward in utilising my current skill base into a real world career.  I felt like I’d lost my grounding in myself, the person and my world as I knew it.  I often complained to close friends that “I feel like I’ve woken up in someone else’s life” despondent and dispirited I’d lost my internal balance but mostly I’d lost my drive. Clear thinking, clearly seeing the goal and how to get there, in a clear vision – evaded me.  I can now see a way forward along with a vision of how I would like our life to be in the near future.

“I have transformed my view of life coaching to something along the lines of – “If you value yourself, you close family and all those of any importance around you, you will make this worth while investment in yourself, your future and how and where you want to be. Without which you simply loose control and drift on the turbulant sea of divorce and everything that it will throw at you.  I couldn’t recommend life coaching any more highly, I feel like some evangalist and feel everyone should subscribe to it at any difficult point in their life.

“The difference it has made to me and all those around me is priceless.”

Julie Jones is the creator of “Changes Forever” and will be exhibiting at the Starting Over Show in March 2010.

After seeing Julie Jones for a coaching session, Michelle was introduced to James Pirrie of Family Law In Partnership……

“In a word AMAZING… collaborative law is ‘the’ way forward. It takes a look at the divorce as a whole and not by breaking it down into the seperate elements of: the divorce, the finances and the children – as separate issues but quite rightly as a whole. I realise every divorce is differing in its content and issues, however the weight that was lifted off my shoulders that there was someone who could finally see the problem as a whole, rather than the separate elements, was more than a comfort to me and to my situation. A proposal has been put in place and sent over to my husband’s solicitor which I not only view as fair, but which finally gets down to the nitty gritty of solving the problem of our divorce in the best interests of all those involved.

“Mediation has also been recommended and having been through it once before but due to a change in circumstances everything agreed fell apart, I would look forward to entering into it once more. Being unbiassed and by not being on either parties side I feel it is an essential part of the process of divorce.  I personally found mediation a win-win situation as financialy the more aspects you can discuss in a safe environment with an objective view of a third party, and sort it out without dragging it through the courts, then better the financial situation all round. I felt I had some control over the financial aspects as well as access to the children, where I feared going into court would rather be like tossing a coin and the outcome would be unknown and a ‘one fit for all’ and not a ‘best fit’ for our personal circumstances.”

The photoshoot…

“Having always naturally being more comfortable behind the camera on an amature basis, I felt this was an ideal opportunity to get some decent photographs of myself. I realised during my marriage there weren’t many photographs of myself as I was always the one who would be taking the pictures. To have a camera pointed solely at me was unnerving but really enjoyable.

I now have a snapshot of a wonderful adventurous day spent in London along with some sound advice and beautiful images.”

Let me use my creative ability and enthusiasm to provide strong and memorable images that will last forever.  London & Brighton events.

Scott Collier: Photographer

Other SOS Experts who are helping Michelle….

Many people don’t realize that they must change their Will when they get divorced. Jaci Godman Irvine: Estate Legacy Services Wills and trusts, had a chat with Michelle to give her some key information.

“Have had a chat with Michelle, given her the reasons for new Will but as she has ‘nothing’ basically to her name at present and is about to incur a debt when the marital home s sold (negative equity), I left it as something she should look into when things have settled. I also explained what to do if she finds herself in a new relationship, as I also provide living together agreements. I gave her my mobile and told her to call if she has any questions.”

Michelle’s experience of talking to Jaci about getting a Will…..

“Did I find the Wills information from Jaci useful?

Absolutely, there were matters with regards to if either party re-marries that the wills become invalid. I assumed with the sale of the property that this may be the case, but found out it wasn’t so. Although a will isn’t on the top of my priority list of things to do financially, come the new year I’m sure this will be the case given I’d want my wishes for the children written in stone if anything should happen to me.

Did I learn anything I didn’t know about before?

Yes there was so much information that Jaci imparted that I have found useful just to sit down and re-read all the information and digest it all and give it all some serious consideration for the future.”

Jaci Godman Irvine: Estate Legacy Services Wills and trusts

I work with Estate Legacy Services and I am a member of the KCC Buy With Confidence Scheme.  London & Brighton events.

Michelle had a consultation with Jane Orr: The Mystic Housewife Consultant Psychic Therapist……

4 December 2009

“Michelle had a phone consultation with myself, due to geographical location.

Michelle initially asked for help with her existing relationship with her boyfriend. We discussed how long she had known him and various life events and traumas that had affected both of them, individually and as a couple. In particular, issues of bereavement, and how they these had impacted on their relationship. Most recently that of Michelle’s mother, earlier this year. We explored boyfriend’s pattern of “opting out”, in order to avoid emotional challenges and confrontation, as well as some of his previous relationship history and how that may impact on their relationship. We discussed how family pressure to conform, together with an event in a previous relationship, may have produced inadequate or negative feelings in her boyfriend regarding marriage or long term commitment.

I suggested that rather than considering her boyfriend as “the one”, he should be valued as a true friend and support for now with regular re-evaluation of the relationship.

Michelle also talked about her bi-polar disorder and how she felt it had started when she was 13 years old, although it was not diagnosed until she was 26. Michelle had two significant events regarding her parents, when she was aged 13. Her mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had a hysterectomy, and her father sustained very serious injuries in a car accident, which resulted in him being treated in a nursing home for 18 months. Michelle’s father is still alive, but has restricted mobility.

We talked about setting intentions to enhance a good experience with her medical team, and rather than seeing them as the enemy, working with them to help her, which will give her a feeling of greater control of her own body and mind. I suggested visualising her medication bathed in light, and setting intentions for the best possible outcome with it.

I explained to Michelle, that when someone experiences a shock or trauma, the auric body, (the energy field surrounding your physical body), becomes damaged and fragmented. In fact it smashes like a car windscreen, into lots of small particles, and results in removing your outer skin and protective shield. This results in any number of physical and emotional pathologies, often a lowered immunity to diseases, emotional disturbances, depression and frequent accidents.

I gave some energy cleansing techniques to Michelle, to remove any unwanted “attached” energy cords from others and suggested a dose of Bach Flower Essence, Star of Bethlehem. I recommended a Rescue Remedy/Lavender bath, 4 drops of each in the bath water and a good soak, add a few candle tea lights, for a lovely, inexpensive relaxing treatment. I advised Michelle to drink lots of water, ideally 1-2 litres daily. I also recommended Denise Linn’s website, to use her healing mystic portal and download her meditations.

We discussed recruiting the Archangels, Michael, Raphael, Metatron, Chamuel, as well as Ascended Masters Jesus and Mother Mary, for protection, healing, children, love relationships and general support.

Michelle is very psychic, but shut down her abilities, following her shocks as a teenager. This was a good thing at the time, as it would have made her bi-polar much worse. And I cautioned her not to “play” with any psychic abilities which may start to emerge, as she heals and becomes stronger, and gave her some visualisations to “ground” herself.

It was a pleasure to work with Michelle, she is a very strong, resilient lady, with good insight into her own condition, who has coped extraordinarily well with the significant life challenges and traumas she has experienced. I have offered further email support.”

Michelle’s experience of her consultation with Mystic Housewife Jane Orr:

“Talking to Jane Orr was really useful, I felt I’d lost my spiritual side somewhat along the road of divorce. Also my Ex always considered alternative therapies to be all mumbo jumbo, however I realised that I felt my most well when I was taking some Bach Flower Remedies in the past and I didn’t realise that Jane prescribed them. I felt it was meant to be and synchronicity was weaving its magic once more. I’ve taken the flower remedies over the weekend and have slept like a baby and on waking feel refreshed and alive once more.

Jane was wonderful at sorting through the complications of my current relationships and put everything in the past to rest.

I feel once more in touch with my spiritual side as well as exploring some of the complications around me I simply ignored and put down to the divorce as a whole.

More than useful, a wonderful experience for those who feel lost (spiritually) along the way.

I’m feeling much stronger recently due to all of the elements working along side me. I feel ready to take on the world, let alone the divorce. I feel very honoured to be part of this process.”

Jane Orr: The Mystic Housewife Consultant Psychic Therapist

A personal and professional therapy service, including the 28 day soul coaching programme designed to clutter clear your life, bring you clarity during chaotic personal challenges.  I provide traditional psychotherapy combined with ancient healing arts, confidential support in a safe environment, enhancing your ability to cope with whatever life throws at you!  London & Brighton events.

To see some of those images and a video snapshot of that big day, take a look at the short film below…..

SOS London Makeover: Michelle’s journey….

Michelle is taking part in the “SOS London Divorce Makeover”. This means she will benefit from some free advice and inspiration from a selection of our SOS exhibitors who have generously donated their time to show what options and choices are available to someone going through divorce or relationship breakup.

The story begins with Michelle telling us about the complexity and pain of her situation.

Early November 2009

“My husband has petitioned for divorce and I have yet to receive the court paper work. So we are in the initial stages of divorce.  We separated on the 27th December 2007, the timing of which, was down to the house opposite ours becoming vacant and available for rent.

My husband moved out of the marital home and into this smaller 3 bedroomed rental property opposite our home, just across a small village green.  Many questioned our decision and thought this too close for comfort, but actually the practicality of it worked out very well…

Our marriage failed for a number of reasons.  We both tried hard, took advice, and even explored counseling.  None of which helped and the marriage was doomed.  No-one was to blame for the untimely ending of the marriage, as there were no other persons involved at the time.

Things moved on and we were happy going our separate ways.  We agreed good contact with the children (every other weekend and half of the school holidays) from the outset of the separation. Living opposite one another this was really just a basis from which we worked. The children afforded themselves a lot more contact with one or other parent as they wished.

Both my husband and I explored other relationships, both of which failed as I personally felt it was too soon for either party to be involved in another relationship (I know this is how it worked out for me).

Since then, we both have new steady partnerships.  We initially agreed to wait the standard two years separation and then opt for a quickie divorce (if there is such a thing).

Things soured between the both of us, after the arrival of his new girlfriend. Her agenda for their relationship was differing to what we agreed and my husband made an application for divorce in recent months.

I no longer live in the marital home due to relocating for a while to care for my terminally ill mother who passed away in March. It was planned I would return to the marital home if/when I returned, however my husband changed that agreement and the marital home is currently still up for sale.

My husband secured another rental property (just round the corner from the marital home) of my limited choice of what was available. Of which he now refuses to pay the rent for and which I can not afford to pay for myself. This has thrown me into the hands of the benefit system and I also now face potential homelessness due to the shortfall in benefit and actually how much the rent costs.

Due to financial restrictions imposed through mediation I am currently planning to represent myself (in court) and have a fixed fee solicitor to complete all the paperwork as respondent.

Mediation was helpful in as much as outlining the finances, but most of what was agreed has now been changed to suit circumstances imposed. This was a costly process for both of us and I now face bankruptcy due to my dire financial situation.

So as the divorce rumbles away in the back ground, my husband and his girlfriend have contact with the children as outlined above and I face the tough job of patching them up emotionally between visits.

My husband’s parents fail to acknowledge me as the children’s mother and after writing them a very heart felt letter I received a very cold response. I now have nothing to do with them, other than encourage the children to call them at least once a fortnight.

In the outset everything was very amicable between my husband and I, now however we no longer speak, unless its of an urgent nature via mobile or the odd email.

I’m not sure if their is a way forward to improve our situation and feel it offers some comfort to his girlfriend if we have no communication.

I’m Bi-Polar and in receipt of incapacity benefit. Although the government in their infinite wisdom feel it’s necessary to apply pressure to me, in the form of getting me back into work, which as I suffer with a mental illness I feel is pretty mad (I can say that being Bi-Polar, its an in joke).  Obviously the effects of which contribute to my illness and therefore make the situation worse.

This obviously effects everything around me…as well as my day to day moods etc.  I’d like to be able to converse with my husband on an improved level with regards to our two children from our marriage and my daughter from a previous relationship (with whom he has deserted and wants nothing more to do with).  He does however see our children on a regular basis.

It saddens me the effect this is having on our children, however after making a number of suggestions (family therapy for us all) I was stonewalled and ignored. I now prefer to control the things within my
power and let go of the things I can’t.

Its hard to actually add feeling to the writing of all of this, however I must add I’m not bitter about the situation, just frustrated by it.

Any advice or an independent outlook would be most welcomed.”

Michelle

So how can we empower Michelle and help her see what choices and options she can access?

We are going to arrange for her to receive information and inspiration from the SOS professionals, and I will be interviewing her about her experiences, and how her thoughts, attitudes and actions are influenced by the advice and help that she receives.

The journey begins…..

Download the pdf here to see full details of Michelle’s SOS Makeover: makeover-michelle-mathias-5-nov-09

Thursday 12 November 09

Michelle receives the following email from SOS coach Julie Jones of Changes Forever.  Julie prepares Michelle for the journey she is about to begin:
Dear Michelle,

I am so thrilled that you are having a day especially for YOU and I very much look forward to welcoming you here on 19th November.

I am not sure if you have received my kind of coaching before but it needs to be experienced to realise its full potential and is designed to help address any specific personal issues, business projects or general conditions of your life that need improving.  It involves honest and open discussion and is completely confidential.

The session will be for 2 hours: In the first hour we will explore your wheel of life, and use the second hour to work on the specific issues you have identified.

Your coach will be me Julie Jones and I am based in my cosy pink coaching room, where we will start with the  Wheel of Life.  In ancient Chinese philosophy they talk about a wheel running smoothly.  By completing this exercise you will see if your wheel is a bit bumpy in places making your life journey a bit uncomfortable!

It’s worth repeating from time to time to see where you’re going and identify if things are moving in the right direction.  We usually suggest every 6 months although sometimes the wheel can change daily!

Initial Exploration/Coaching Session

The aim of the session is to enable you to move forward with whatever you decide is the most pressing issue: you will spend some time identifying an area you specifically want to work on setting a goal and by the end you will have created a plan on a way forward using the options you have identified.

You will be comfortable and not disturbed and it is best if your mobile phone is switched to silent prior to the session.

You will be able to spend a couple of minutes before the session relaxing and thinking about you and what you may like to talk about.  It is useful to have a pen/pencil and something to write on during the session and a soft drink to sip on will be provided

I feel very privileged to have been asked to work with you on what I feel will be an exciting part of your journey, before we head off into London for your meeting with Suzy and the team in Covent Garden.

Warm wishes

Julie Jones
Founder and Relationship/ Lifestyle Coach
Changes Forever
Tel: 01462 643695
Mobile: 07967 135 870

‘Making relationships work for you…at home, work, with yourself and in life’

Accredited Life Coach with Coaching & Mentoring International