Divorcing ‘out of the box’
January 27, 2012
If the Big Society is to work, then we need to start with ‘the family’. Squashing what we consider a healthy family into a single box with “mummy, daddy + kids” has to stop, if we are to evolve into a co-operative nation where the word ‘support’ becomes associated with our community as a whole, instead of just government institutions like the NHS or the Courts.
I live alone with 3 children – but my family isn’t a ‘broken home’. It’s an extended family.
In the Scottish Widows report Centre for the Modern Family, Dr Rake says of the research “… married couples, lone parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles – can all create the strong caring relationships that are the hallmark of a good family life.” But what about families who are not related by blood? Like extended families including ex-partners?
As an illustration of that, my kids and I – along with their dad, bonus mum and bonus brother, appeared on Friday 23 December on BBC Breakfast TV. Sadly, people think it’s ‘weird’ to be a healthy functioning blended family comprised of ex’s and new partners. The Scottish Widows study showed that 22% of families said their family type was not valued by society, and 18% feel actively judged by society for the family model in which they live.
Stop sniping at ‘broken families’ and start praising ‘extended families’
Helping people to ‘break up right – please don’t fight’ and to allow their families to take on new forms in ways that keep them out of court and save them money, requires a collaborative and co-operative approach. Which is why more people need to give mediation and collaborative law serious attention when facing divorce. At the very least, actually talk to a real live mediator and collaborative lawyer and find out how they can – with the co-operation of financial and wellbeing professionals if desired by the couple – help a family go through a massive life change in a way that will usually save them money, keep them out of court and protect their children from becoming used as weapons in a litigious approach to breakup.
Come on Mr Cameron: Stand up for all families in their ever growing complexity, and welcome the fact that in order to achieve a healthy extended family, it requires learning new skills in collaboration. These are the very skills we need to change The Big Society from a rallying cry, into a reality.
Travel Guide for Divorce in an attractive box which includes over £500 of complementary access to skilled professional advice. Ribbon is optional. Available for £40 including vat and UK postage at www.sosdivorceinabox.com.
Using Divorce in a Box to revolutionise the break-up process
January 3, 2012
Sam shares her experience of a potential divorce and family break up and how she is using SOS Divorce in a Box to provide information and inspiration.
My blended family on BBC TV
December 22, 2011
On the morning of Friday 23 December, a prerecorded sequence of my blended family eating together will be show on BBC Breakfast TV, and Dr Katherine Rake will be the ‘expert’ interviewed about the ‘modern family’.
In the Scottish Widows report Centre for the Modern Family, Dr Rake says of the research “..people seem quite liberal around form. In other words they recognise that different arrangements – married couples, lone parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles – can all create the strong caring relationships that are the hallmark of a good family life.”
What won’t appear in the footage that gets used for the Friday morning piece is the SOS Divorce in a Box (ribbon is optional) – yet the Divorce in a Box is, as my daughter pointed out to me the other day, is a symbol of how our family managed to make a fractured family into a blended family (their dad, bonus mum and bonus brother are all over my place for Xmas breakfast) – since it is the WAY you break up that allows for a ‘modern blended family’ to be as healthy as a ‘traditional family’.
Just as legal and wellbeing professionals are learning to co-operate and take a multi disciplinary approach to the family breakup process, so families themselves are learning to adapt to a more co-operative way of living when the conventional family form becomes unachievable, or undesirable. Yet society seems to be lagging behind in accepting these changes: 22% of families in the study said their family type was not valued by society. 18% feel actively judged by society for te family model in which they live.
But the statistics take on a deeper significance when you include the 43% of people over 60 who live alone, and the 25% of this group living alone with no family nearby. Why is there so much social pressure to have a traditional family form, when surely the emphasis should be on encouraging families of all forms, to collaborate and work towards long term healthy relationships?
When divorcing couples focus on mediation and collaborative law as ways of saving money and stress short term, they are missing the real significance of taking a non-adversarial route. What they need to recognize are the enormous long term benefits: sustainable agreements without the desire to go to court to continue an ongoing sense of grievance; being able to both come along to the wedding of children now grown and maybe even sit on the top table with respective new partners; share in the joy of bonus babies irrespective of blood lineage…..
I believe that it is what is in the Divorce in a Box that will allow people to find the vision, tools and non-adversarial influences (like life coaching, mediation and collaborative law) to make the coming post-Christmas “divorce season” one that will ultimately lead to healthier – but not always ‘traditional’ – family models.
Suzy is selling the boxes online: £36 for the online version, and £40 for the physical version including vat and UK postage. For more information visit www.sosdivorceinabox.com
Create your own Starting Over Show
November 23, 2011
Don’t worry – I’ll do all the work!
If you believe that a quarterly Starting Over Show event, local to you, will benefit all those people starting over from divorce, redundancy, bereavement and life’s other tough stuff, then register by clicking the link most local to you. You will of course receive free tickets and be the first to know once the event is confirmed.
I want a Starting Over Show (& free tickets please) in RH Uncovered (RH6, RH7, RH10, RH18, RH19)
I want a Starting Over Show (& free tickets please) in CHELTENHAM, GLOS
I want a Starting Over Show (& free tickets please) in GUILDFORD, SURREY
Want an SOS event somewhere else? Pop your name and email in the box below & I’ll keep you up to date with where they are being held:
What is a Starting Over Show?
Promoting Divorce in a Box
November 22, 2011
For those of you who would like more people to stay out of court and use non-adversarial routes through divorce, feel free to copy the attached html code onto your webpages or blogs to promote the SOS Divorce in a Box. And if you think your resources should be made available via our online resource pack, then let me know via suzy@startingovershow.co.uk.
Scroll down for Facebook Page widget and short film about the box, plus key promotional/blog info:
Cut and paste html below the image for website promotion of box:
<a href=”http://www.sosdivorceinabox.com”><img title=”divorce in a box, travel guide for divorce, divorce advice” src=”http://www.startingovershow.co.uk/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/BoxTop30.01.12-300×239.jpg” alt=”" width=”300″ height=”239″ /></a
Text to use for website/blog information:
Travel Guide for Divorce
Helping people to ‘break up right – please don’t fight’ and to allow their families to take on new forms in ways that keep them out of court and save them money, requires a collaborative and co-operative approach. Which is why more people need to give mediation and collaborative law serious attention when facing divorce.
Travel Guide for Divorce in an attractive box which includes over £500 of complementary access to skilled professional advice: legal, financial and wellbeing maps to guide you through the journey, and show you a range of choices most people don’t realise are available to them.
Divorcing “outside of the box”. Ribbon is optional. Available for £40 including vat and UK postage at www.sosdivorceinabox.com.
Cut and paste html below the image for extra article/blog promotion of box:
<a href=”http://www.sosdivorceinabox.com”><img title=”sos divorce in a box, travel guide for divorce, divorce advice” src=”http://www.startingovershow.co.uk/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/travelguideMainMapWEBSITE1-300×300.jpg” alt=”" width=”300″ height=”300″ /></a>
<a href=”http://www.sosdivorceinabox.com”><img title=”divorce advice, divorce in a box, travel guide for divorce” src=”http://www.startingovershow.co.uk/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/BOXES1-300×240.jpg” alt=”" width=”300″ height=”240″ /></a>
Other handy web ads:
<a href=”http://www.sosdivorceinabox.com”><img title=”divorce in a box, travel guide for divorce, divorce advice” src=”http://www.startingovershow.co.uk/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Inside-BOX-229×300.jpg” alt=”" width=”229″ height=”300″ /></a>
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<a href=”http://www.sosdivorceinabox.com”><img title=”DiaB_Ad2″ src=”http://www.startingovershow.co.uk/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/DiaB_Ad2-300×147.jpg” alt=”" width=”300″ height=”147″ /></a>
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Sam shares her experience of a potential divorce and family break up and how she is using SOS Divorce in a Box to provide information and inspiration.
Sam shares her experience of a potential divorce and family break up and how she is using SOS Divorce in a Box to provide information and inspiration.
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