exhibitor information pdf downloads

Download our pdf exhibitor information pack here: sos-exhibitor-brochure-1-october-20091

Download our pdf exhibitor booking form here:  sos-booking-form-051009

press guidelines

Protecting our visitors

interviewing

Suzy Miller and exhibitors at the event are available for interviews.  Exhibitors can be contacted via Suzy: email at suzy@startingovershow.co.uk, or phone on 07525 059 634.

filming arrangements and photocall timings

In order to respect the privacy of our visitors, no cameras or video equipment will be allowed into the event.  However, pre-arranged filming and photo-calls can be booked.

case studies

We are in contact with a number of people who are willing to talk to the Press about their personal experiences of break up and divorce, and case study requests by the press will be shared with SOS exhibitors if emailed to Suzy@startingovershow.co.uk.

Contacts:

Suzy Miller (Featured in Sept 08 issue of Eve Magazine & July 09 Prima Magazine)

07525 059 634 suzy@startingovershow.co.uk

High quality photos/images and case studies are available on request

You can download some for free from here…..

ordained interfaith ministers

ESTELLE WILLIAMS, LUCY WINTLE AND PAUL SANDFORD – ORDAINED INTERFAITH MINISTERS

Estelle Williams, Lucy Wintle and Paul Sandford  – trained and ordained Interfaith ministers. Non denominational ministers here to serve people of all faiths, or none.

Following our ordination our friendship grew as did our commitment to serving all people regardless of their religion beliefs or sexual orientation; and this led to the creation of what we have to offer via “Rhythm- of- life”.

Experienced in world traditions, ritual and prayer, we create ceremonies and provide services that will uplift and inspire. Our Interfaith ceremonies and services are personalised, warm, creative and memorable; and will reflect your own values, beliefs and intentions.
We embrace all faiths and spiritual practice, and are open to both religious and non religious ceremonies.

We have an extensive knowledge of readings, poems, quotes, vows, music and ritual; and a breadth of experience in creating and facilitating ceremonies. 
Whether spiritual, religious or secular we can provide guidance and a helping hand to create a ceremony that will reflect who you are and what you want to say.

Furthermore, we consider our role to be an enormous privilege. We really enjoy making the experience all it can be for all concerned.

http://www.rhythm-of-life.org.uk

Even Swans sometimes get Divorced

Petra isn’t known for her philandering. A number of male swans attempted to make her acquaintance in the two years preceding December 2007 – but Petra rejected them all, for she was in love with a plastic swan-shaped pedal boat.

The romantic escapades of the black swan hit headlines around the world last year when she began following a white pedal boat around on the lake where she lived. When winter arrived, she refused to be separated from the boat when workers removed it from the lake for the winter. The local zoo found a place for the swan and the boat to spend the winter together.

But despite Petra’s love and devotion to her unusual choice of mate, and our own human desire to believe in life long commitments between creatures other than ourselves, it has been discovered that five percent of whooping swan pairs end in divorce, and as many as 1 in 10 pairs of mute swans split up.

Unlike with humans, the swans’ divorce process seems not to dissolve into years or rancour, unhappiness and debt.

One of the objectives of the Starting Over Show (the UK’s first divorce fair) taking place on 15 March in Brighton this year, is to provide the information and the inspirational support human beings need when going through relationship break ups. “We can’t help swans who are getting divorced” admits Suzy Miller, the shows producer, “but we can try to reverse the stigma over break up and help people feel supported through the process. If even swans can sometimes need to change partners, we shouldn’t make humans feel like failures because they haven’t made their relationship work for an entire lifetime.”

Swans, Wikipedia tells us, usually mate for life. Divorce, though, the entry goes on, “does sometimes occur, particularly following nesting failure.” Which perhaps explains why Petra, the famous black swan from the German town of Münster, finally ditched her boyfriend for a new beau. It is, after all, difficult to nest with a giant, plastic pedal boat.

Not many nests are wrecked by the rigours of the credit crunch, so what does drive this icon of romance, the swan that `mates for life’, to divorce? Biologists are scrutinizing bird families, from courtship to breakup, with new interest these days. For years, scientists assumed that birds which nested together pretty much stayed together without slipping off to visit alluring neighbours. In the 1980s, however, DNA analyses of nestlings revealed that the male who helps tend them is not always their genetic father. “A lot of birds are having a bit on the side,” says Jeffrey M. Black of the University of Cambridge in England, “so many theories about evolution and social behaviour have been turned on their heads.”

From this upset, studies of feathered divorce have begun to emerge. “I think you’re going to see a lot more,” Black predicts. Many researchers use the term “divorce” for paired birds that separate or fail to reunite during the next breeding opportunity. When the word first showed up in ornithology papers, “there was an uproar,” Black remembers. However, ornithologists didn’t seem to take to such proposed alternatives as “severance,” “breakage,” “dissolution,” or that masterpiece of neutrality, “nonretainment.”

Black has collected estimates of divorce rates in more than 100 species of birds. The percentage of pair bonds that break ranges from nearly 100, in house martins and greater flamingos, to roughly zero in Australian ravens and the waved albatross. Humans, who divorce in 40 to 50 percent of new marriages in the United States and are predicted to reach such levels in the UK, fall into the same range as the masked booby. Divorce rates differ not only among species but among different populations of the same species, much as humans in Hove untie the knot at a higher rate than those in Cheshire.

The frequency of deserting females does not surprise Andre Dhondt of the Cornell University Laboratory of Ornithology, who compares relative investments in reproduction. “There is more at stake for females than males,” he points out. To find out who benefits from a divorce, Dhondt has tallied the number of subsequent offspring of divorced male and female blue tits. “Typically, females improve their breeding success, but the males don’t,” he reports.

The singles scene can be tough for some species. Among red-billed gulls in a region with few males, 32 percent of females that lose their mates through death or divorce never breed again. Long-time gull watcher James A. Mills of Corning, N.Y., who reports that number, notes that some of these loners lived 10 more years.

“Luckily, humans don’t have to rely on being able to reproduce to find a happy partnership., comments Suzy Miller. But we do need a great deal of practical and emotional support to help us start over successfully when things don’t work out.” In humans, second or third-time around UK divorces have doubled since 1981, say official statistics. According to the Office for National Statistics, one in five of all couples divorcing in 2005 already had one marriage break-up behind them.

But there is hope yet – apparently, Bewick’s swans never separate. Well… almost never.

To find out more and secure tickets for the Starting Over Show go to: http://www.startingovershow.co.uk, or visit the SOS Village resource site at www.sos-village.org.

Sources:

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,523762,00.html

When Birds Divorce  Who splits, who benefits, and who gets the nest By Susan Milius
http://www.netpets.org/birds/newsroom/divorce.html

Jeffrey M. Black, Cambridge University, Department of Zoology, Downing St. Cambridge CB2 3EJ England
Andre A. Dhondt, Cornell University, Laboratory of Ornithology, 159 Sapsucker Woods Rd, Ithaca, NY 14850

Are you financially worse off after divorce or break up if you never tied the knot?

Many people don’t realise this, but common law marriage doesn’t exist, and the financial implications of breakup during a recession can be very different depending on whether or not you have legally tied the knot.

A survey by Starting Over Show (SOS) reveals that over 86% of the participants personally know someone going through a relationship break up or divorce during the last two years, and SOS believes that statistic is likely to increase due to the financial pressures of the current recession.

In another survey by the same organisation in the Autumn of 2008, 46.7% thought that common law marriage exists. But family lawyers Mayo Wynne Baxter have to explain the sad truth to some of their clients who are not married, that the law treats `living together’ couples who are breaking up very differently from married ones. “They ask me what they are entitled to,” says Linda Lamb, one of the senior partners at the Brighton family law firm, “and I have to tell them that if they have not acquired an interest in the property of their partner or if there are no children of the relationship where there could be a claim for the children, they are entitled to nothing.”

The Government-backed `Living Together Campaign’ is trying to raise awareness of the problem, and information on the legal position of unmarried couples can be seen on the Advice Now website.
Many breakups are made worse by couples being in debt, something which Fiona Monson of Armida Business Recovery LLP, helps them to resolve. But Fiona’s experience of the financial implications of not being married are perhaps surprising, due to the lack of legal protection in law for unmarried couples:

“Surprisingly I can’t think of many insolvency cases where non-married ‘spouses’ have been worse off due to divorce.  This may be because the spouse or ex-spouse is treated pretty badly in bankruptcy whereas a ‘common law spouse’ is not an associate of the bankrupt so is less likely to be pursued as the onus of proof shifts to the trustee and cannot be pursued for as long.”

So it seems that if your ex-partner is going bankrupt you may be better off for not having married them – but if there is still money in the pot, then a partner who has stayed home to bring up the kids is at a serious disadvantage.

With the massive increase in redundancies and the deepening of the recession, financial pressures can not only act as a catalyst for divorce and break up, but also make those break ups even more traumatic.

“I certainly have stories of debt causing or worsening splits” Fiona tells us. “I did an individual voluntary arrangement for a lady who desperately wanted to keep her financial situation secret from her husband.  Inevitably he found out and they divorced.  I also had a bankrupt whose estranged wife owned property before they were married but put it into joint names so I was able to claim it was half his – and she had to pay £25,000 – not nice but the legal position gave me no choice but to pursue it.  I did have one case where the couple weren’t married and out of guilt (I think he was seeing someone else) the bankrupt let her keep all the proceeds from the sale of the house which he had no legal right to do under the circumstances. I had a horrible meeting throughout which she sobbed as she realised that his bankruptcy did not allow her to receive any funds, as a non-married couple and with her name not on the deeds, all the money had to go to his creditors. Sometimes it’s really tough doing this job but, luckily, most of the time I get to help people resolve their financial dilemmas and start over again.”

There is a lot of complication surrounding ownership of the matrimonial home which gets particularly messy when divorce and bankruptcy coincide.  There has been a lot of case law on this, but a case in December 2007 awarded the house back to the wife having had the divorce settlement set aside.  The main point is there is little clarity on this and people are likely to incur huge costs defending their corner.

The advice from family lawyers like Linda Lamb is that if you are not planning on getting married, then have a contract drawn up with independent legal advice agreeing the financial split should the relationship end, and be aware of the possible implications if either of you go bankrupt, whether married or not.
Interesting Facts:

Family Lawyers can draw up `living together’ contracts, but so can some independent wills/trusts specialists.  If you get divorced, you may want to update your will (unless you want to leave everything to your ex!)

A study has shown that January 8th is the busiest day of the year for divorce lawyers when up to 1 in 5 couples will enquire about divorce after the pressures of Christmas.  The enforced intimacy of Christmas, coupled with the start of a new year, is thought to be the main trigger.
Reported in the Daily Telegraph 8 January 2007

Results of survey can be viewed here: http://www.surveymonkey.com/sr.aspx?sm=P2o1DSUyjaROtnB8RWXdfuxNQZGvhiet42X1AauzOMs_3d

Suzy Miller has also created an independent, non-commercial online resource hub – the SOS Village http://www.sos-village.org which allows people to access a range of resources and to share personal stories to help them through a break up.

Seven things NOT to do when getting Divorced or breaking up

As the producer of the first UK divorce fair in March 2009, I have become very involved in the practical and emotional consequences that beset those of us who have been through divorces and significant relationship break ups. I decided to ask my friends for advice that they might share based on their own personal experiences.

1 Be careful what you agree to

For example, a settlement that has the condition of spousal maintenance payments ending on the remarriage (or cohabitation) of the ex-partner, can be an ultimately destructive agreement. Even if you swear blind you will never marry again, try not to create a financial incentive to stay single. If your ex-spouse paying out the maintenance is able to co-habit and marry again, why should you risk financial hardship if you should fall in love with an impoverished artist?

A fair settlement should not be dependent on remarriage, and Family Finance Barrister Elissa Da Costa tells us that courts in London rarely consider cohabitation a reason to terminate periodical payments for the very reason that the cohabitation relationship is far more tenuous than marriage. However, your ex spouse may reasonably want to put a limit on the duration of the spousal support.

My friend E: “I agreed to a maintenance settlement that included my maintenance being subject to me remaining single, but despite money for my young children, I need my own spousal maintenance to keep a large house going (I have 4 children from the marriage) and as they are still young, I am unable to earn enough to keep the house going on my own. As soon as the ink was dry on the divorce papers, my ex-spouse remarried, while I meanwhile, cannot even consider living with someone else unless they are able to support me and my family. Most wives, based on earning capacity, age of children etc, have to accept a limited period of spousal maintenance (maybe 3 or 5 years) although she MUST stick out for the option to go back to court at that time to have this period extended if necessary.  My advice is to be extremely wary of cohabitation but accept that maintenance isn’t forever. Try to secure other things not relevant to whether you stay single or remarry, like equity in the house or a portion of the pension. ”

Expert advice: “If you are a wife, likely to receive periodical payments, make sure that your divorce proceedings are issued in the Principal Registry in London as the judges there do not approve of cohabitation as the trigger to stop periodical payments.” Elissa Da Costa, Family Finance Barrister

2 Don’t accept a poor settlement just to `stay out of court’ or `get it all over with’.

The temptation to just end the whole horrible process can mean accepting a settlement that will, when the dust has settled, lead to resentment and a real sense of injustice, which will do nothing to improve the post marital relationship.

My friend FM: “A few years after my divorce I wrote to the legal expert in the Guardian to ask if I could go back to court and change my bad divorce settlement which I had agreed to because I wanted to let go of the past and move on. The consequence of which, is that my ex-husband now has a large `stake’ in the house without any responsibility for paying the mortgage, or maintenance of the property. With two children I am not in a position, only being able to work part time, to buy him out, and I receive only a small amount of money for the kids but nothing for me. I realise now that I should have stood up for myself at the time and insisted on a fairer settlement, which the courts were likely to have backed, and now I have an extra source of grievance with my ex that I could have avoided. The advice printed in the Guardian was that I am stuck with my original settlement.”

Expert advice: “This is indeed correct and spouses should consider carefully the financial ramifications of certain outcomes. However, this is not to say that it is always wrong to settle rather than hold out for more money. Money is not always everything and depending on the reasons for the marital breakdown, the need to get on with life and the emotional fall out from the divorce process, it may be worth taking less and in effect paying for finality and peace of mind.” Elissa Da Costa, Family Finance Barrister

3 Don’t agree to a settlement that is not linked to inflation by a pre-agreed formula
Even though my good friend JT agreed a maintenance arrangement with his ex-wife that was index-linked to inflation, poor drafting by both parties’ barristers meant that what is meant to be an annual increase was able to be asserted just 12 weeks into the agreement. Further dispute erupted consequent to there being several different ways to make the fiscal calculation.

My friend JT: “What this means is that despite the decree absolute being long past, financial wrangles, which would be costly and threaten to lead us straight back into court, continue to blight my life. I would recommend that a clear formula of how to evaluate any future maintenance adjustments be defined as part of the divorce settlement, and agreement also on when it can be imposed. Otherwise, it feels like the divorce is never over and the healing cannot begin.”

4 Don’t go on dating sites until you have finished being angry with your ex
I see countless online dating profiles (not just all `research’, I confess!) where the profiles ask to meet people through the site who are `honest’ (which I usually interpret as `won’t commit adultery like their last partner) and openly tell future dates that they are `overweight’ or `don’t have much money’ which are not only going to read as `don’t love myself’ and `have no ambition’, but which show that online sites are better used to widen your social circle where such personal descriptions become irrelevant, rather than looking for a new partner when you are still suffering low self esteem and fear of further rejection.

My friend FS: “When I split up from my long term partner I was in a vulnerable place of no self confidence with relationships and feeling very needy. The last thing I needed was to meet other people in the same place! Later on I did online dating and had fun meeting new people, but made sure they were ready to meet me!”

5 Don’t think ex-partners have to hate each other
Yes, you may go through stages where that is how you feel, but hang onto a belief that people who once loved each other and were friends, can have a harmonious post break up relationship. This `dream’ (as it may seem at the time) is worth working towards, but if children are involved the damage of break up can be compensated for, to some degree, by both parents acting in a respectful and grown up way with each other, and not just in front of the children either.

My friend S: “You can be angry with someone and with yourself but that is not an excuse to behave badly to someone that you need to maintain a long term relationship with because of the children. This is not about putting yourself second or compromising – it is just about clear boundaries and honest and respectful communication. Even with no children involved, how much better will your next relationship be if the last one is not still haunting you?”

Expert advice: “Something I have found really helpful to process the pain and anger is a goodbye process – it can help the movement to the more optimistic ‘starting over’ phase. It is great if it can be done with the ex partner but if that not possible then with the help of a therapist – or alone.” Julia Armstrong, coach, author and therapist

6 Don’t pretend you’re not angry
Break ups involve anger and pain, and you need to find ways to release those emotions in a healthy way. Write your ex’s name on a squash ball before a strenuous game. Watch sad films and let yourself cry (a great way to relieve stress, by the way), tell your friends and anyone else who will listen how you feel (use “I feel…” instead of “He/she did this or that” – try it). But don’t shout at your ex. Their reaction will fuel your rage and so the game goes on.

My friend J: “When complaining about my ex I learnt to say “I feel…” and then express my feelings without needing to blame anyone in the process. So I’d say what I feel, then listen (that’s important) to what they say back. If they started ranting or trying to lay blame on me, I stopped communications for a while till they got the message. I always tried not to react immediately.

It’s really important to learn how to share experiences without making the other person feel guilty (which is what you tend to do if you are angry with them). This is a great thing to practice for future relationships and if you’re really clever, you will get someone to help you. There are counsellors who can guide you through `break up’ without venting all your anger on each other in the process.”

7 Never Never Never slag off your ex-partner in front of the children

If you see anyone else doing that – stop them. This will cause unbelievable harm to the kids, even very young ones, who already feel confused and guilty (sorry, but they do, whatever you may tell them) that their parents are separating. Don’t burden them with even more angst and unhappiness than they are already having to deal with. Instead, show them how relationships don’t end just because people are not living in the same house, and that treating others with respect should hold true even if they are driving you nuts at the time.

My friend SW: “Do you know that children call `Childline’ so that they can have someone to talk to about their parents’ break up, because they don’t want to talk directly to their parents in case they upset them? They protect us without us realising, so even if we say “I’m really angry about what is happening to my life” by not being derogatory or unkind about someone whom the child loves, that is going to make it easier for the children to safely express their own feelings about how they feel about the break up.”

Suzy Miller has also created an independent, non-commercial online resource hub – the SOS Village http://www.sos-village.org which allows people to access a range of resources and to share personal stories to help them through a break up.