SOS London Makeover: Michelle’s journey….
November 5, 2009 by Suzy
Michelle is taking part in the “SOS London Divorce Makeover”. This means she will benefit from some free advice and inspiration from a selection of our SOS exhibitors who have generously donated their time to show what options and choices are available to someone going through divorce or relationship breakup.
The story begins with Michelle telling us about the complexity and pain of her situation.
Early November 2009
“My husband has petitioned for divorce and I have yet to receive the court paper work. So we are in the initial stages of divorce. We separated on the 27th December 2007, the timing of which, was down to the house opposite ours becoming vacant and available for rent.
My husband moved out of the marital home and into this smaller 3 bedroomed rental property opposite our home, just across a small village green. Many questioned our decision and thought this too close for comfort, but actually the practicality of it worked out very well…
Our marriage failed for a number of reasons. We both tried hard, took advice, and even explored counseling. None of which helped and the marriage was doomed. No-one was to blame for the untimely ending of the marriage, as there were no other persons involved at the time.
Things moved on and we were happy going our separate ways. We agreed good contact with the children (every other weekend and half of the school holidays) from the outset of the separation. Living opposite one another this was really just a basis from which we worked. The children afforded themselves a lot more contact with one or other parent as they wished.
Both my husband and I explored other relationships, both of which failed as I personally felt it was too soon for either party to be involved in another relationship (I know this is how it worked out for me).
Since then, we both have new steady partnerships. We initially agreed to wait the standard two years separation and then opt for a quickie divorce (if there is such a thing).
Things soured between the both of us, after the arrival of his new girlfriend. Her agenda for their relationship was differing to what we agreed and my husband made an application for divorce in recent months.
I no longer live in the marital home due to relocating for a while to care for my terminally ill mother who passed away in March. It was planned I would return to the marital home if/when I returned, however my husband changed that agreement and the marital home is currently still up for sale.
My husband secured another rental property (just round the corner from the marital home) of my limited choice of what was available. Of which he now refuses to pay the rent for and which I can not afford to pay for myself. This has thrown me into the hands of the benefit system and I also now face potential homelessness due to the shortfall in benefit and actually how much the rent costs.
Due to financial restrictions imposed through mediation I am currently planning to represent myself (in court) and have a fixed fee solicitor to complete all the paperwork as respondent.
Mediation was helpful in as much as outlining the finances, but most of what was agreed has now been changed to suit circumstances imposed. This was a costly process for both of us and I now face bankruptcy due to my dire financial situation.
So as the divorce rumbles away in the back ground, my husband and his girlfriend have contact with the children as outlined above and I face the tough job of patching them up emotionally between visits.
My husband’s parents fail to acknowledge me as the children’s mother and after writing them a very heart felt letter I received a very cold response. I now have nothing to do with them, other than encourage the children to call them at least once a fortnight.
In the outset everything was very amicable between my husband and I, now however we no longer speak, unless its of an urgent nature via mobile or the odd email.
I’m not sure if their is a way forward to improve our situation and feel it offers some comfort to his girlfriend if we have no communication.
I’m Bi-Polar and in receipt of incapacity benefit. Although the government in their infinite wisdom feel it’s necessary to apply pressure to me, in the form of getting me back into work, which as I suffer with a mental illness I feel is pretty mad (I can say that being Bi-Polar, its an in joke). Obviously the effects of which contribute to my illness and therefore make the situation worse.
This obviously effects everything around me…as well as my day to day moods etc. I’d like to be able to converse with my husband on an improved level with regards to our two children from our marriage and my daughter from a previous relationship (with whom he has deserted and wants nothing more to do with). He does however see our children on a regular basis.
It saddens me the effect this is having on our children, however after making a number of suggestions (family therapy for us all) I was stonewalled and ignored. I now prefer to control the things within my
power and let go of the things I can’t.
Its hard to actually add feeling to the writing of all of this, however I must add I’m not bitter about the situation, just frustrated by it.
Any advice or an independent outlook would be most welcomed.”
Michelle
So how can we empower Michelle and help her see what choices and options she can access?
We are going to arrange for her to receive information and inspiration from the SOS professionals, and I will be interviewing her about her experiences, and how her thoughts, attitudes and actions are influenced by the advice and help that she receives.
The journey begins…..
Download the pdf here to see full details of Michelle’s SOS Makeover: makeover-michelle-mathias-5-nov-09
Thursday 12 November 09
Michelle receives the following email from SOS coach Julie Jones of Changes Forever. Julie prepares Michelle for the journey she is about to begin:
Dear Michelle,
I am so thrilled that you are having a day especially for YOU and I very much look forward to welcoming you here on 19th November.
I am not sure if you have received my kind of coaching before but it needs to be experienced to realise its full potential and is designed to help address any specific personal issues, business projects or general conditions of your life that need improving. It involves honest and open discussion and is completely confidential.
The session will be for 2 hours: In the first hour we will explore your wheel of life, and use the second hour to work on the specific issues you have identified.
Your coach will be me Julie Jones and I am based in my cosy pink coaching room, where we will start with the Wheel of Life. In ancient Chinese philosophy they talk about a wheel running smoothly. By completing this exercise you will see if your wheel is a bit bumpy in places making your life journey a bit uncomfortable!
It’s worth repeating from time to time to see where you’re going and identify if things are moving in the right direction. We usually suggest every 6 months although sometimes the wheel can change daily!
Initial Exploration/Coaching Session
The aim of the session is to enable you to move forward with whatever you decide is the most pressing issue: you will spend some time identifying an area you specifically want to work on setting a goal and by the end you will have created a plan on a way forward using the options you have identified.
You will be comfortable and not disturbed and it is best if your mobile phone is switched to silent prior to the session.
You will be able to spend a couple of minutes before the session relaxing and thinking about you and what you may like to talk about. It is useful to have a pen/pencil and something to write on during the session and a soft drink to sip on will be provided
I feel very privileged to have been asked to work with you on what I feel will be an exciting part of your journey, before we head off into London for your meeting with Suzy and the team in Covent Garden.
Warm wishes
Julie Jones
Founder and Relationship/ Lifestyle Coach
Changes Forever
Tel: 01462 643695
Mobile: 07967 135 870
‘Making relationships work for you…at home, work, with yourself and in life’
Accredited Life Coach with Coaching & Mentoring International
Two new SOS live events & how colour can change the way you feel
October 1, 2009 by Suzy
Information for divorce and breakup
Inspiration for Starting Over
Our first SOS Event (see the video here) was full of courageous people starting their lives over, and now we are to put on two more events in March 2010, including the first ever London fair of it’s kind.
We also offer free advice and wellbeing support RIGHT NOW for a couple facing breakup and divorce……
Inspiration
Did you know how strong the effect of colour is on how you feel – and how you make others feel too?
Bernay Laity
Colour psychologist and image consultant
Colour psychologist Bernay Laity tells us how she was inspired to become an expert in her field and how she uses her talent to help others.
“Growing up with a Dad who was a gardener and keen outdoors enthusiast gave me a great appreciation of the natural world and I became fascinated with the changes in shapes, colours and textures of nature as each season passed from one to the next. But my work as interior designer really cemented my passion for colour as I began to notice that it could have a profound effect on a person’s wellbeing. I became curious about why clients picked the colours that they did and noticed that they seemed also to pick colours that reflected their personality.’
Click here to read more about Bernay Laity and listen to her podcast interview….
Talk to our other inspirational exhibitors now….
Inspirational short film:
information
Do husbands and wives undervalue the financial value of the houseparent? Would you pay £30,000 for a parent to stay home and bring up the children?
That’s the estimated value of the stay at home mum should you have to replace her. With the Conservative Party openly committing to making Pre-Nups more binding, will women themselves value their worth as stay at home mums?
To get good information to help you start over, talk to our legal and financial exhibitors now.
shared stories
Life really can begin at 40! We are sharing a great true story (with the writer’s permission) from social network site www.confidentladies.com.
“The day I returned home from this lovely weekend with my friends my husband was leaving the house and I returned to a half empty home as he had taken what he wanted while I was away…. ”
See other personal stories here:
sos live event news
Dates for the next shows and tickets (£3 each) are available now online from our home page
It is likely that you will know someone thinking about or going through divorce or break up – wouldn’t it be great if you could offer them the opportunity of free legal, financial and wellbeing surgeries and taster sessions to help them choose a non-combative and positive way forward?
Well you can – send them this link to the ‘Be The Best Ex” initiative……
Click here to download information pack: sos-divorce-relationship-makeover1
diary of a sole parent
How do we begin to change the negative attitudes about divorce and the way we think about our Ex?
When I stuck my new Iphone in the faces of three of my friends and video’d them, I asked them a question they had never been asked before.
“Say something nice about your Ex” I demanded. The result was not only a two minute short film, but as they wrestled with the subject matter this was a learning experience for me too…..
Continue reading the article here…..
free mini book downloads
Access to resources and information…….
Resource links
Other great resources for starting over
To find professionals who are all personally recommended visit CertainShops – professionals online
online social network for women ‘starting over’ Confident Ladies
KEY SOS SPONSOR
Dateline Platinum - national dating agency
Promotions:
Free advice and wellbeing support RIGHT NOW for a couple facing breakup and divorce……
In partnership with:
Starting Over Show
www.startingovershow.co.uk
All the things you need to know about breaking up and starting over in one SOS
Useful Information
Honest Communication
Personal Transformation
Starting Over Show is part of Certain Shops Ltd. Tel: 0208 8167281 Textphone 18001 0208 8167281
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Wogan’s Pause For Thought
April 28, 2009 by Suzy
